Wandering Minds Must Ask

2007-04-11T14:16:00.000-05:00

i should really live closer to town.
gas is a bitch and i need a place of my own....

2007-04-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

The feeling did go away, to a degree.
I hate it when my horoscopes are right. Its never right about the good things which is gay.
Either way, today I work at 6. finally I have a day to myself. I don't have to go work in the kitchen at 9 in the morning and prep everything the closers didn't get to along with everything else that needs to be prepped to open the restauraunt.

I applied for a day job at the Inn of Brevard, house keeping. They are starting at $9.00 an hour, which is two dollars more than i make cooking at Casey's. For less work. There are only like 15 rooms at this Inn and refreshing those rooms along with dusting as sweeping other parts of the Inn would be it. Plus, its more upscale and the quality of people that go there are not the kind to leave condoms all over the rooms or poo smeared on the walls like you can get in some corporate hotel chains.

Now something is missing and i do know what it is, but there is no time to dwell on it. I have no control over the situation so best to just let it be. I need to worry about other things as well.

2007-04-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

So. I'm sitting at the library because one of my network cables at home are unplugged..... or so the computer says, even though everything is plugged up.... I'm pissed off at myself.
I am lacking many things right now i think.
But its all good.
Life goes on =D

Worked today. I am really starting to hate Ryan. He acts like such a prick. That could be because I'm no good at stuff and he is agrivated since I've been at Casey's a while. But I've been bounced around that restaraunt soo many times that i don't know much about any one job description in there.
I'm best at serving and hosting though.
The kitchen sucks it out of you. Never is there anything done and i only work in the mornings. I really respect the cooks a bit more now. But at the same time, it wouldn't take so much work if everyone just did everything they were supposed to. But no one ever does.

I am very frustrated. This feeling needs to go away. I do not like it one bit.

2007-04-08T12:13:00.000-05:00

Its always the same story every Easter Sunday, which is why i don't understand people that never go to church feeling obligated to go on holidays. You just hear the same thing over and over instead of different sermons that might make one think of something new.
Why did Jesus come to his conclusions about Christianity?
He lived in the middle of the desert where moldy grain became LSD.
Thats my opinion at least.

Anything that makes someone think very hard about new things can lead to social revolutions, and psychodellic drugs tend to have that tendency.

"Hey John man, you should totally baptise me!!"
"Dude. If your sure."
"Yea man, lets do it!"
"This is the greatest idea ever dude!!!"

And Jesus was dunked under water by a mountain man and friend named John the Baptist.

Hippies are predictable sometimes. Other times they are not at all, because they become individuals again and have their own motives and feelings.
hmmmmm.
i have something to do. now to figure out what.

2007-04-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

It takes very little for people to end up telling you everything you need to know. It also takes just the right amount of common sense when to not push something or someone.
Sometimes I am lacking and sometimes i am right on the money.

Tonight was horrible for tips all around. But i made lasagna earlier this morning. I can't figure out why an absolutely wonderful soup yesterday was extremely salty this morning. All we did was re-heat it. Even though it was too salty, I couldn't stop eating it. Maybe i have a salt difficiency. I need to start taking calcium supplements again.

My spelling has declined over the years.

I have everything I need for blowing glass except for the gases now.
The books are really interesting and I'm going to be glad to make more than just bowls. I will make many many pipes though. Nothing too special at first. Gold and Silver dusts are really expensive....

I've learned a lot of trivia lately.
I need a push in my life. From myself. I will do something i love and i will love doing it. I know its possible to be very content with one's spot in life. It is also very possible to understand oneself and grow up and learn from what happens and take responsiblity for oneself.

Still need to start ebaying.

2007-04-03T01:56:00.000-05:00

the full moon is so bright outside my window.
watched reefer madness the musical again tonight. While being a very funny parody, it is definately not the best movie ever..... Although John seemed to think that it really was.

Today/night was interesting... maybe its cause of the moon... Maybe its just cause things tend to work out that way, but either way, I love certain things about my life and then i hate certain aspects of those things i love almost as much as i love the initial thing.

I think its cause i can't understand them, and that scares me a little bit....
I need to start working on my credit.

2007-04-02T00:18:00.000-05:00

i like getting slightly messed up and just kinda chillin.
i think I will be getting a new part time job to fill hours and bring in money. Blockbuster here I hopefully come.
yo. I miss shit sometimes.

2007-04-01T00:39:00.000-05:00

Today started out unproductive.
I skipped out on work. Was going to jump off a waterfall and then almost got the most awesome pitt bull stray ever.
Looked like a pure red nose. Beautiful dog.
Long story short, by the time I convinced my parents to let me keep it for a trial run, it had already found a home. =(
meh.
i liked today. I miss days like today. I'm glad it happened.

Tommorrow I'll likely go back to doing nothing again. Well, nothing that i really want to do, I'll be more productive in a way... but still.... e_e I suck. lol.

2007-03-30T01:16:00.000-05:00

yep.
too good to be true.

But summer is coming up. It'll be ok.

2007-03-25T00:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the days blend into one. And sometimes they are pristine and long and different from one another.

I may be a stoner but I still have great ideas sometimes and I can explain life much more clearly to myself.

Things that should be common sense to everyone... or at least seem to be... are hard for me to grasp onto. Like socializing "the right way". Things always go good for me in the beginning but then I lose it.... most always. That is just an example though.
When i have time to myself and something stimulating or new that i did not know before to think about, and i smoke a joint or have previously smoked with people... I discover soo many new things for myself.

I love watching discovery stoned off my ass.
Or the history channel.

2007-03-20T19:08:00.001-05:00

I like to think i have some power and influence over most circumstances in my life.

2007-03-19T00:31:00.000-05:00

i wonder sometimes if people don't tell you something because it might hurt you more often than not telling you something because they don't think certain people in general shouldn't know about that specific part of their lives.
As if that part of their lives is private to a lot of people.... its not that they just don't want you to know about it as if its something bad concerning you....

jesus christ....

I'm glad I'm not that insecure anymore.

2007-03-18T21:25:00.000-05:00

Blue eyes and blond shaggy/messed up hair on guys is really hot. Swimmer guys have awesomely shaped bodies. They aren't too big and muscly, like football players, and weight lifters.. but at the same time they aren't too lanky like runners. And honestly, who doesn 't like to swim?

Hmmm... weekend gone again.

Last shift I worked, i got 70 dollars in tips in 6 hours.... that is the first time I think I've made that much ever. I was the only person serving and i had a 30 top.. first table that came in. All the other ones i had were alright, really laid back and chill. And I'm glad Heather was manager on duty. She is the best and doesn't really give a shit if I screw up, which i did a lot....

Everyone at that 30 top wanted to "eat healthy". . . like heath nuts or something. No one wanted any grease or butter, or cheese, or fatty meats, or oils, or non-fat-free dressings. Its really hard to make sure I get that into the computer systems right and make sure the cooks know whats going on. I kept asking myself, "why the hell are these mother fuckers eating here if they want to eat healthy?" even though I was kicking myself for forgetting parts of their orders... people don't tip well if you accidentally forget something.... even if you sincerely apologize to them.

Sure, we are an all catering restraunt.... but its a pizza-and-burger-joint/bar for christs sake... Everyone knows thats not a heathy combination.... And its really really hard to count carbs at a place like that....
These people literally had personalized carb counting books, and some of them were school kids.... 30 people.

I have always wished I could surf. I never learned how. I guess cause i was never around water that much growing up... well waves that is. And i forgot where i was going.... mmmmm doobie.

2007-03-14T23:33:00.000-05:00

wowza.

Made fuckin 12% of my total sales in tips today. Suck my ass low tippers.
I hate that. I really don't think people stop to think....
"wow, these girls get under minimum wage....
I aught to tip them alright so maybe they can make minimum wage."

Our town pound has no puppies due to parvo... ewwy. And i saw a dog with one eye and a really bad limp in the humane society. Also got a pimp ass skirt. But damn. That dog looked like it had been abused. It was a Spot dog, if you know what i mean.. the ones that look a lot like jack russel terriers. They didn't want to take it to the pound cause they didn't want it to get parvo.

Resin makes my nailpolish chip. But my bowl has almost finished changing colors. I've never seen one change to a scale of green to blue to purple on the fumed clear glass part. yellow parts turned to an orange red and the brown pops now. Its sooo beautiful.

I am shipping groups of farm yard animals away from a farm and the farmer gets angry at me if they get over the fence and back into the farm.......
This is such a stoner friendly game.

Had quite a heavy night
So delicate our love and pride
The most stubborn girl around
You really know how to bring me down
One more famous night to remember
Let's laugh at my silly temper
Now let's burn the morning sweetly
Get over here and complete me

Go on and get the lighter
We're gonna need some fire
Let's get a little higher
The battlefield is tired
Nevermind all that?
Go on baby and get the lighter
We're gonna start the fire

Have you ever hit a bowl so hard it made the screen go blurry, but you didn't cough?

Pot

2007-03-14T00:54:00.000-05:00

I wish there was a way to convince anxious, nervous people how to be in right mindset for smoking pot. I am a very anxious person, but now that i smoke a lot of pot, I come to realizations more often about not becoming paranoid of certain situations that make me nervous.

Tonights little thought was to just be happy with each day.

Rather than schedule out everything out everyday to give me a routine, just be happy that something was good about what i did today. Don't worry about going back there soon, if it happens it happens.

This is the kind of stuff that i used to go to therapy for.... But that never helped, marijuana is the key. And i am positive that if we could just convince more people to be able to be in the right mood to smoke and not become paranoid about smoking, it would help a lot of people. But its impossible to make marijuana just automatically "natural" in life, and not something to be paranoid about, for a lot of people. Unless it is moved in gradually... Starting with a friend that smokes, and then more friends that smoke, and it always being around, to trying it, to trying it MORE, to buying a bowl, to buying it, to buying a bong or other grand piece of paraphenalia, to buying it all the time, to having it around ALL THE TIME.

I like the end of that long road the best, and that is where i am now. Just the beginning of having it around all the time.
And for me, not all of that road was a great one. I was really paranoid in the beginning and the anxiousness in me mixed with it and fucked with my while I smoked.

But goddamn. It was sooo totally fucking worth it.

I've become addicted to intarnet poker.
On Pogo.com.
I've been playing a whole whole lot. Every night for a couple hours. I'm pissed at myself for not getting tired earlier... I wish i wanted to get up earlier than I do. There isn't anything to do early in the day that i want to do.... But then again, i could just flipflop... be up all day like a normal person and just do stuff before work and sleep at night.

2007-03-11T21:17:00.000-05:00

Today was my fathers 50th birthday.
I gave him a picture I took the other day in the forest...

I had an alright day. i need to stop being so paranoid. It doesn't work for me.
Anyways, I'm going to post some pics on here now.
Well, as soon as I load the program and all that bullshit.
I was kinda pissed at these pictures. i took them with my 35mm Canon Camera, I made sure to set the light settings on most of the pics I took, but only a few of them came out right. All the other ones seem to be over saturated or something... I forget the correct terminology.

OYE! fuckit. I'll do it later. I'm getting pissed at my computer's faulty-ness.

Neglected

2007-03-11T13:48:00.000-05:00

I've neglected my blog. e_e
deal with it.

I worked this weekend and came out with 35 dollars in tips plus another 42 dollars on my check. And one of our servers quit so I will be picking up his shifts more. Every Monday and Wednesday nights I'll be serving for him. And I'll be working with Heather.
I seriously made her think about her sexuality last night. Just by bringing up that I think that girls that are more turned on by clitoral stimulation would be more open to female companions than girls turned on by penetration.

Watched Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny last night. It was a perfect stoner movie if I've ever seen one. I fully enjoyed laughing my ass off really high while they themselves got really high. They even had the subtleties that only true pot smokers and mushroom lovers would have really understood and appreciated.

I've decided to start ebaying. i also need to buy my glass tubing and tank and talk to josh.... if he would ever return my Myspace messages..... but i don't know if he will and I'm nervous about contacting him. I also want to continue taking pictures and see if I can sell in any galleries around here...
But alas, these are all pipe dreams.

2007-03-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

Today i sold my snake for 50 bucks.
Got rid of two 20 gallon terrariums and a pregnant rat.
Sold an old bowl piece for 20 bucks and resinated my new bowl to the point that it is changing colors magnificently.
I worked for 2 hours, making a total of 13 dollars today. LMAO
Played with my number one man dook.
Got my adsense account in order.
Got accused of internet stalkage. LMAO again at that one.
Remembered that i don't really care.
Was told someone was talking some shit that no one could understand or back up about me.
Remembered that i don't really care.

Its funny how important people makes themselves feel sometimes, thinking that someone else actually cares enough to get angry at something they say. I do get angry if I actually think about someone in an endearing way. Because it kinda stings. But really most things just fall off my shoulders.

I've realized that if I actually sink into Casey's its about as dramatic as senior year of highschool, when people started to downplay the drama. Everyone still talked about everything happening but it wasn't really that much of a suprise. ya know? it makes sense to me at least.

2007-03-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today was soo chill. And soo great. I did absolutely nothing but i couldn't have had a better day off.
mr. man got me a new pipe. and its beautiful. Its going to turn green i can feel it. =D

I went to the forest and watched dook be an idiot. Started a little fire and watched the sun set. i love being in the forest. i felt alive. Almost like a nymph at times. Then i went to another forest and found a neat little spot under a bridge.
Played some ball with the boys.
All in all just chilled all day.

Although i am I stoner it is not the call of being stoned that makes me so. Its an everyday thing. Its how I live and that is how I define being a stoner... Its not something that I do purposely everyday... It just happens. I realize things in a different light...

2007-03-07T00:37:00.000-05:00

Being stoned is like right before your body truly wakes up sometimes. Its just warm and inviting and makes me want to cuddle up and stay warm and cozy. Watch tv and smile at things I would normally laugh my ass off to. Chillin out with the person I love. Then other times. . . its not.

Well, i paid my seatbelt ticket yesterday. $100 and an entire paycheck gone... Waited on a table of rednecks tonight... The father kept halfway checkin out my ass and the daughters where blowing bubbles in their sweet tea and laughing like hell. All in all for a 4-top I was pretty sure I'd get an ok tip from them... but i was wrong. freakin rednecks... left me $2 on a $50.00 tab. i figured they would have the decency not to tip under $5 with that tab.

Oh well.

Folding pizza boxes calms me in a way I cannot explain.

2007-03-06T07:11:00.001-05:00

I bask under the name of sweetheart. =D

2007-03-06T01:49:00.000-05:00

i have realized... I over-react. Like most of the female population during their teen years.
haha!
I'm funny.

But no, seriously. Hormones really are hard to deal with at this age sometimes. And then you have people that gain joy from making other people's lives living hells. They tend to be insecure teenage girls. I'm probably guilty of this at some point or another. There are also those that will manipulate the hell out of you... which i have also done at some point or another..
While one is able to find reason as to why this happens and why girls do this to one another is still seems so heartless..
Perhaps its just a coming of age ritual in America... Dealing with the pop culture and what other people find "cool". How to fit in and interact with society seems to be a big part of life...
As I have heard many a time... "Its not only what you know, but who you know." In many aspects that is true.

mmm, sleep needs to happen before I reason myself into decay.
Still taking weight gain supplements... still not gaining a pound...

2007-03-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

Another dull day...
I think my place of employment might be witholding money from me....
This is no good.
But i work tommorrow.

Fuckin got searched today. My car that is. Pulled out of Ingles and there were three cops behind me.... they flagged me and then searched the vehicle under the pretences that someone called in saying they saw beer cans flying from a car matching my cars description.

Bullshit i say. i would really really fuckin like to know who called that in.

Anyways home early.... I'm now on the sequel to the book I was reading. The first on was AWESOME. i don't know about this one yet.

Found nothing to do again.... without him... e_e at self.

2007-03-04T16:29:00.000-05:00

Nice to see how much you mean to someone..
Don't see them for two days and then you make plans with them and they fuckin pass out on you.
I don't understand why I seem to be being segregated into a new group of friends by one fucking person. I allow myself to be pushed into a corner and forgotten about while everyone else does the stuff I love to do. Sit around, talk, laugh and smoke pot while watching something terrible on tv and making fun of it.
I have other things i can do, other places I can be, but I want the memories with these people that I'm being pushed away from. Memories they will share I won't be a part of... And that bothers me. That may be shallow.... but I've seen it happen before. I've done it before. I've stayed away from people just so that they could make more memories without me so as to distance myself from them.
I am being forced to distance myself from people I don't want to distance myself from.

I need something and i don't know what it is.... I think its more ink.... or a new piercing...

Its a fucking dog. Thats what i fucking need.

2007-03-04T14:10:00.000-05:00

wow, drunk people can't sing.
I stayed for latenight at casey's. Ended up babysitting my large drunk friend and inticing her away from a guy with pot. Its ok though. I don't mind things like that.

Its a beautiful thing.....
These mountains are starting to turn green again =)
Oh am ever so excited.

2007-03-03T13:31:00.000-05:00

i neglected yesterday due to intoxication at my friends house. I bonged a beer for the first time. ya know, when you pop a hole in the bottom and pop the top. I got brain freeze.

i read almost a whole book yesterday...
Its a pretty good book. I recommend it.

I don't work again til thursday.... this is gonna suck balls...

2007-03-01T00:40:00.000-05:00

On the way home tonight i listened to the radio. This really crappy song came on and i listened to it all the way through cause i was too lazy to change the channel. I kinda hoped if i listened to the words it would tell a story that might outweigh the crappy-ness of the actual song.
But it didn't.... I realized it was just a really crappy annoyingly nasally song.

I also realized... I'm really high if I'm too lazy to change the radio.. But I need those drives home by myself being really really stoned. They are fun and relaxing and just me...

Nobody around to impress with being suave and sane. I can be corny and silly and it doesn't matter =D

And i had something else to say... but I forgot what it was..

2007-02-28T01:05:00.000-05:00

Alright.... now its starting to bother me a little bit..

maybe if I smoke a bunch more it won't....

2007-02-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

yo. I don't blow things out of wack. You do cause you still expect me to blow shit out of whack. w/e man.

I got to fuckin wait tables tonight!!!! Got $40 in tips in under 4 hours. sooooo... makin 2.75 an hour... thats like.... $14.70 an hour. sweeeeeeet!

I loved watching dook run around in the woods today. He was sooooo fucking excited about everything. kept pulling me into the playing =D running up to me and spinning around and running away again reeeeally fast, coming back and turning a full circle and running away again =) it was so cute. He's a real putze though. He kept accidentally falling in water too deep for him and freaking out til he got back to the edge of the water and would be afraid of getting too close for like a minute and then he'd do it all over again.

Hopefully some good pictures came out of it.

One lazy summer at a festival
In open air, not in a concerthall
No way (no way)
A spacy mushroom landed in your mouth
You couldn't tell the north from the south
No way (no way)

Lords of Acid

And then my shuffle immediately plays "Get Ready" by Sublime.

Some folks say that smokin herb is a crime
If they catch you smokin they're bound to drop the dime
Insufferable Informable Crazy fools
Wait with their fingers crossed for you to break the rules

lol thats soo great.

BWAM!

2007-02-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

found out my boss has been keeping shifts from me.
so i told my other boss
She said she'd fix that.

Now the one boss is putting me in the kitchen....
Even though the reason she didn't want me picking up shifts is cause she doesn't want to lose money....
I'm a better server...
I know how to do that....

Your just going to be teaching me in the kitchen and it'll take longer....

i took her kids to the movies tonight to suck up..

i need to smoke!!!

2007-02-26T01:59:00.000-05:00

Its funny that the only songs that ever come on right before you get out of your car after a drive of "just ok" music are the ones that you really want to listen too....
Whats funnier is that for me its normally a guilty pleasure kind of song and it sucks ass but i still love it secretly....

I have to come up with a bunch of interesting four letter words to use for my blog link on myspace.... for some wierd reason the font html won't cooperate and I'm waaaay to stoned and lazy to do anything about it.

HA-HA!

Ghost

2007-02-25T04:21:00.000-05:00

you know I've never seen Ghost. Heard sooo much about it but never watched it. I love when old movies come on basic cable late at night.
i won't lie, I'm a girl and I cried a little bit... but sweet jesus.... if thats what happens when bad people die.... creepy black shadows tear them apart and drag then to the netherworld... I better be good in life... cause goddamn...

whoopi goldberg is so funny sometimes. but i don't like her standup..

I was sitting there laughing to myself and i heard the rain on the tin roof outside. i love thunderstorms right before I go to sleep. Or right after a thunderstorm during the summer. It smells so good.

2007-02-25T02:21:00.000-05:00

If I fall back down
Your gonna help me back up again
If I fall back down
Your gonna be my friend.

i like that song. good song.

Coming home tonight at 2 in the morning I pass two different people I know that i really didn't think would be out on the road this late on a Saturday... But then again, it is a Saturday.

I don't work again til tuesday and it depresses me. Whats worse is that i don't get a check til next monday. oh well. I'll piece together some moneys when i needs them.

Town's dry as a bone. Sucks balls.

2007-02-24T00:51:00.001-05:00

I know I'm appreciated and cared about. But goddamn. I'm tired of fucking bullshit and thats all it ever fuckin is.

list

2007-02-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

I really need to stop staying up til 4 in the morning and then sleeping til 2 in the afternoon. I also need to go get a shower. hardcore.
List it:
- clean my room (will get around to it.....
- go to the forest and take pictures.
- find stuff to get into
- get more hours at work
- see my tj at some point
- get a dog

i want this one.
Dogue Brasileiro
Its a mix between a boxer and a pitt. Mixing it with the boxer illeviates many of the mean tendencies of a pitt and makes it easier to train.

or this one.

American Mastiff.
i really like big dogs.

day

2007-02-23T02:36:00.000-05:00

Looking through storage brings back sooo many memories. I've been getting shit together to take to the flea market. I found my old nick-knacks from 4 or 5 years ago up in the shop.
AND!!!
I found the bird leg.
fuckin sweet.

I worked a nice long shift tonight. I love working when Allison is bartending. She is so fucking great. She is goofy and crazy and always has a good story. Plus she lets us get away with hell. Except in the kitchen. She's constantly writing the poor boys up for stupid shit they try and pull.

I am starting to get pissed off... A shift I was supposed to cover was given to someone else because they needed hours more than I do. e_e That is bullshit. I just wanted one damn serving shift... but noooooooo.

Mmmm. Nahunta Barbeque. Best fuckin barbeque and sausage and all around pork products ever.

yo

2007-02-22T02:56:00.001-05:00

Sometimes even though words are unsaid people can do the sweetest things. I love it when you get completely and utterly blown away by someone else's actions. When you had no idea they would do something sweet and without even really doing anything everything that needs doing is done and over with.

fuckin' A right.

So i clocked in to work for 15 minutes to clock back out and eat a burger and clock back in for another 45 minutes til i was told it was way too slow and i had to leave. But i did get a shift for saturday!! yayyyy serving!!!

I hope everything isn't about to blow up in my face.....

left-overs

2007-02-21T03:14:00.001-05:00

My mother leaves the best left-overs for me to come home and have the munchies for. She's the bestest mother in the whole wide world.

I am very glad she does that as there is no where in town to eat after 1'oclock in the morning except for the 24 hour Ingles. Literally... not even a Huddle House.. or a sleezy Chinese Restauraunt.

Tonight she left me cream of chicken macaroni. Comfort food.

I work tommorrow!! Voluum... which means I could work for anywhere from 0 - 4 hours. Depending on how slow it is.

At least not really having a job this time of year in this town has taught me that I need to save extra money for winter in case of lay-offs and such.... Tourist town that i am in. . . You would think there would be a little more opportunity it being a college town too... but not really.

Living Now.

2007-02-20T16:49:00.000-05:00

There are benefits and disadvantages. Living now makes it easier to not stress about the future. Living now makes you want what you want when you want it with no regard to how getting that now will effect you later on. Makes you spend money you don't have. Not go to work and get fired and not have a job to make it further down the road.

While many people need to remember they have the rest of their lives to do whatever they want... they still need to worry about now.

Colorquiz.com

2007-02-20T02:14:00.000-05:00

Well... i suppose this is pretty close........When it comes to describing my personality that is:

Your Existing Situation
Persistent. Demands what she feels to be her due and endeavors to maintain her position intact.
Your Stress Sources
Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, she pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting her nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels she can only be at peace when she has finally reached her goal.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but is inclined to be emotionally withdrawn, which prevents her from becoming deeply involved.
Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.
Your Desired Objective
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.
Your Actual Problem
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

I do not think that i put quite that much emphasis on winning and success though...

Music

2007-02-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes Pandora.com has the best song ideas ever and turns me on to new artists that i like a whole whole lot. But that seems to happen ever so rarely. Everything else it gives out either SUCK ASS or do not corrolate in anyway whatsoever to what your trying to find songs like.

But the band I found today, while looking for songs like "waiting for my ruca" by sublime, have some pretty cool songs. OPM is the band name. They don't really sound that much like sublime at all but some songs are pretty damn nice. The keyword being some.

There aren't really that many bands where all of their songs are really great though. The only bands that i really really like almost every single song they ever did are like the old Legends. Like the Beatles, and many would say pink floyd.

But then again many haven't heard some of the really really wacked out stuff pink floyd put out.

I've also always really liked Sublime. I'm down with any of their songs. Just not all of them all of the time... or just the popular ones over and over. I really hate that Bradley died =( i want more to hear new Sublime songs... But that is impossible.

Other things musically that i like a lot.....:

Most 90's Alternative.
MSI, even though the new cd is different I like it as much as the other and can listen to it more often.
Psychopathic Records. Most Music like that. Everything from ICP to Twizted to Boondox to Tech N9ne and beyond
I also have my girlish guilty pleasures like Shakira and certain happy hard-core groups.
The Spun Soundtrack.

I'm probably leaving out a lot due to stonedness... But yea =D

I fuckin love most music man.

Now

2007-02-19T13:28:00.000-05:00

Waking up at one in the afternoon to be on suicide watch. I've been under it... but that was never serious. I don't know if this is or not. Either way. Sometimes dreams are weird and i hope they never come true. Others I wish and wish they will.

drink of choice. dr. pepper or fruit punch.

I need to go make more cookies.

ohh! and go get my check. I hope it amounts to something... I work two days this week.. I really hope they start giving me more hours soon...I need them. I like working at Casey Jones. Its the most laid back atmosphere I've found in this town. I don't want to go somewhere else just because i have to start paying bills. =(

I should also really really clean my room... its starting to grow things.

Here

2007-02-19T02:09:00.000-05:00

This is a blog. This is the first post of this blog. This is seperate from all of my other online community bullshit..... Although all of my friends from other such things may read as they wish. This is a fresh start and a new idea. This may become small amounts of income... i don't really know.

Today my brother, at the age of 16, decided that he was responsible for my fathers suicidal tendencies and in 20 degree weather went to the non-insulated shop and sat there for and hour and a half in his night clothes, did not tell my frantic mother where he was, and she woke me up and had me hiking all over the mountain looking for him an hour before he had to get to work. This was only three hours after i had fallen asleep for the first time in probably 20 some odd hours.

I like things. I like art, black and white photography, glass pipes, big dogs, cabins in the woods with heating, water and electrical, co-workers and my job, animals in general, camping.
I love things as well. I love the southern appalachian mountains, the pisgah national forest, a funny boy, my family, the funny boy's family.

When it gets warmer I plan on going up into the forest and taking tons and tons of pictures... black and white and digital. I need a new digital camera, but that can be arranged. i just need to win a photo contest on a site i found. When the time comes i will leave the link on my blog for everyone to see and vote on. I will show everyone the beauty of the parkway and the mountains I live in. It is really a passion for me I think.