yep.
too good to be true.

But summer is coming up. It'll be ok.

Sometimes the days blend into one. And sometimes they are pristine and long and different from one another.

I may be a stoner but I still have great ideas sometimes and I can explain life much more clearly to myself.

Things that should be common sense to everyone... or at least seem to be... are hard for me to grasp onto. Like socializing "the right way". Things always go good for me in the beginning but then I lose it.... most always. That is just an example though.
When i have time to myself and something stimulating or new that i did not know before to think about, and i smoke a joint or have previously smoked with people... I discover soo many new things for myself.

I love watching discovery stoned off my ass.
Or the history channel.

I like to think i have some power and influence over most circumstances in my life.

i wonder sometimes if people don't tell you something because it might hurt you more often than not telling you something because they don't think certain people in general shouldn't know about that specific part of their lives.
As if that part of their lives is private to a lot of people.... its not that they just don't want you to know about it as if its something bad concerning you....

jesus christ....

I'm glad I'm not that insecure anymore.

Blue eyes and blond shaggy/messed up hair on guys is really hot. Swimmer guys have awesomely shaped bodies. They aren't too big and muscly, like football players, and weight lifters.. but at the same time they aren't too lanky like runners. And honestly, who doesn 't like to swim?

Hmmm... weekend gone again.

Last shift I worked, i got 70 dollars in tips in 6 hours.... that is the first time I think I've made that much ever. I was the only person serving and i had a 30 top.. first table that came in. All the other ones i had were alright, really laid back and chill. And I'm glad Heather was manager on duty. She is the best and doesn't really give a shit if I screw up, which i did a lot....

Everyone at that 30 top wanted to "eat healthy". . . like heath nuts or something. No one wanted any grease or butter, or cheese, or fatty meats, or oils, or non-fat-free dressings. Its really hard to make sure I get that into the computer systems right and make sure the cooks know whats going on. I kept asking myself, "why the hell are these mother fuckers eating here if they want to eat healthy?" even though I was kicking myself for forgetting parts of their orders... people don't tip well if you accidentally forget something.... even if you sincerely apologize to them.

Sure, we are an all catering restraunt.... but its a pizza-and-burger-joint/bar for christs sake... Everyone knows thats not a heathy combination.... And its really really hard to count carbs at a place like that....
These people literally had personalized carb counting books, and some of them were school kids.... 30 people.

I have always wished I could surf. I never learned how. I guess cause i was never around water that much growing up... well waves that is. And i forgot where i was going.... mmmmm doobie.

wowza.

Made fuckin 12% of my total sales in tips today. Suck my ass low tippers.
I hate that. I really don't think people stop to think....
"wow, these girls get under minimum wage....
I aught to tip them alright so maybe they can make minimum wage."

Our town pound has no puppies due to parvo... ewwy. And i saw a dog with one eye and a really bad limp in the humane society. Also got a pimp ass skirt. But damn. That dog looked like it had been abused. It was a Spot dog, if you know what i mean.. the ones that look a lot like jack russel terriers. They didn't want to take it to the pound cause they didn't want it to get parvo.

Resin makes my nailpolish chip. But my bowl has almost finished changing colors. I've never seen one change to a scale of green to blue to purple on the fumed clear glass part. yellow parts turned to an orange red and the brown pops now. Its sooo beautiful.

I am shipping groups of farm yard animals away from a farm and the farmer gets angry at me if they get over the fence and back into the farm.......
This is such a stoner friendly game.

Had quite a heavy night
So delicate our love and pride
The most stubborn girl around
You really know how to bring me down
One more famous night to remember
Let's laugh at my silly temper
Now let's burn the morning sweetly
Get over here and complete me

Go on and get the lighter
We're gonna need some fire
Let's get a little higher
The battlefield is tired
Nevermind all that?
Go on baby and get the lighter
We're gonna start the fire


Have you ever hit a bowl so hard it made the screen go blurry, but you didn't cough?

Pot

I wish there was a way to convince anxious, nervous people how to be in right mindset for smoking pot. I am a very anxious person, but now that i smoke a lot of pot, I come to realizations more often about not becoming paranoid of certain situations that make me nervous.

Tonights little thought was to just be happy with each day.

Rather than schedule out everything out everyday to give me a routine, just be happy that something was good about what i did today. Don't worry about going back there soon, if it happens it happens.

This is the kind of stuff that i used to go to therapy for.... But that never helped, marijuana is the key. And i am positive that if we could just convince more people to be able to be in the right mood to smoke and not become paranoid about smoking, it would help a lot of people. But its impossible to make marijuana just automatically "natural" in life, and not something to be paranoid about, for a lot of people. Unless it is moved in gradually... Starting with a friend that smokes, and then more friends that smoke, and it always being around, to trying it, to trying it MORE, to buying a bowl, to buying it, to buying a bong or other grand piece of paraphenalia, to buying it all the time, to having it around ALL THE TIME.

I like the end of that long road the best, and that is where i am now. Just the beginning of having it around all the time.
And for me, not all of that road was a great one. I was really paranoid in the beginning and the anxiousness in me mixed with it and fucked with my while I smoked.

But goddamn. It was sooo totally fucking worth it.

I've become addicted to intarnet poker.
On Pogo.com.
I've been playing a whole whole lot. Every night for a couple hours. I'm pissed at myself for not getting tired earlier... I wish i wanted to get up earlier than I do. There isn't anything to do early in the day that i want to do.... But then again, i could just flipflop... be up all day like a normal person and just do stuff before work and sleep at night.

Today was my fathers 50th birthday.
I gave him a picture I took the other day in the forest...

I had an alright day. i need to stop being so paranoid. It doesn't work for me.
Anyways, I'm going to post some pics on here now.
Well, as soon as I load the program and all that bullshit.
I was kinda pissed at these pictures. i took them with my 35mm Canon Camera, I made sure to set the light settings on most of the pics I took, but only a few of them came out right. All the other ones seem to be over saturated or something... I forget the correct terminology.

OYE! fuckit. I'll do it later. I'm getting pissed at my computer's faulty-ness.

Neglected

I've neglected my blog. e_e
deal with it.

I worked this weekend and came out with 35 dollars in tips plus another 42 dollars on my check. And one of our servers quit so I will be picking up his shifts more. Every Monday and Wednesday nights I'll be serving for him. And I'll be working with Heather.
I seriously made her think about her sexuality last night. Just by bringing up that I think that girls that are more turned on by clitoral stimulation would be more open to female companions than girls turned on by penetration.

Watched Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny last night. It was a perfect stoner movie if I've ever seen one. I fully enjoyed laughing my ass off really high while they themselves got really high. They even had the subtleties that only true pot smokers and mushroom lovers would have really understood and appreciated.

I've decided to start ebaying. i also need to buy my glass tubing and tank and talk to josh.... if he would ever return my Myspace messages..... but i don't know if he will and I'm nervous about contacting him. I also want to continue taking pictures and see if I can sell in any galleries around here...
But alas, these are all pipe dreams.

Today i sold my snake for 50 bucks.
Got rid of two 20 gallon terrariums and a pregnant rat.
Sold an old bowl piece for 20 bucks and resinated my new bowl to the point that it is changing colors magnificently.
I worked for 2 hours, making a total of 13 dollars today. LMAO
Played with my number one man dook.
Got my adsense account in order.
Got accused of internet stalkage. LMAO again at that one.
Remembered that i don't really care.
Was told someone was talking some shit that no one could understand or back up about me.
Remembered that i don't really care.

Its funny how important people makes themselves feel sometimes, thinking that someone else actually cares enough to get angry at something they say. I do get angry if I actually think about someone in an endearing way. Because it kinda stings. But really most things just fall off my shoulders.

I've realized that if I actually sink into Casey's its about as dramatic as senior year of highschool, when people started to downplay the drama. Everyone still talked about everything happening but it wasn't really that much of a suprise. ya know? it makes sense to me at least.

Today was soo chill. And soo great. I did absolutely nothing but i couldn't have had a better day off.
mr. man got me a new pipe. and its beautiful. Its going to turn green i can feel it. =D

I went to the forest and watched dook be an idiot. Started a little fire and watched the sun set. i love being in the forest. i felt alive. Almost like a nymph at times. Then i went to another forest and found a neat little spot under a bridge.
Played some ball with the boys.
All in all just chilled all day.

Although i am I stoner it is not the call of being stoned that makes me so. Its an everyday thing. Its how I live and that is how I define being a stoner... Its not something that I do purposely everyday... It just happens. I realize things in a different light...

Being stoned is like right before your body truly wakes up sometimes. Its just warm and inviting and makes me want to cuddle up and stay warm and cozy. Watch tv and smile at things I would normally laugh my ass off to. Chillin out with the person I love. Then other times. . . its not.

Well, i paid my seatbelt ticket yesterday. $100 and an entire paycheck gone... Waited on a table of rednecks tonight... The father kept halfway checkin out my ass and the daughters where blowing bubbles in their sweet tea and laughing like hell. All in all for a 4-top I was pretty sure I'd get an ok tip from them... but i was wrong. freakin rednecks... left me $2 on a $50.00 tab. i figured they would have the decency not to tip under $5 with that tab.

Oh well.

Folding pizza boxes calms me in a way I cannot explain.

I bask under the name of sweetheart. =D

i have realized... I over-react. Like most of the female population during their teen years.
haha!
I'm funny.

But no, seriously. Hormones really are hard to deal with at this age sometimes. And then you have people that gain joy from making other people's lives living hells. They tend to be insecure teenage girls. I'm probably guilty of this at some point or another. There are also those that will manipulate the hell out of you... which i have also done at some point or another..
While one is able to find reason as to why this happens and why girls do this to one another is still seems so heartless..
Perhaps its just a coming of age ritual in America... Dealing with the pop culture and what other people find "cool". How to fit in and interact with society seems to be a big part of life...
As I have heard many a time... "Its not only what you know, but who you know." In many aspects that is true.

mmm, sleep needs to happen before I reason myself into decay.
Still taking weight gain supplements... still not gaining a pound...

Another dull day...
I think my place of employment might be witholding money from me....
This is no good.
But i work tommorrow.

Fuckin got searched today. My car that is. Pulled out of Ingles and there were three cops behind me.... they flagged me and then searched the vehicle under the pretences that someone called in saying they saw beer cans flying from a car matching my cars description.

Bullshit i say. i would really really fuckin like to know who called that in.

Anyways home early.... I'm now on the sequel to the book I was reading. The first on was AWESOME. i don't know about this one yet.

Found nothing to do again.... without him... e_e at self.

Nice to see how much you mean to someone..
Don't see them for two days and then you make plans with them and they fuckin pass out on you.
I don't understand why I seem to be being segregated into a new group of friends by one fucking person. I allow myself to be pushed into a corner and forgotten about while everyone else does the stuff I love to do. Sit around, talk, laugh and smoke pot while watching something terrible on tv and making fun of it.
I have other things i can do, other places I can be, but I want the memories with these people that I'm being pushed away from. Memories they will share I won't be a part of... And that bothers me. That may be shallow.... but I've seen it happen before. I've done it before. I've stayed away from people just so that they could make more memories without me so as to distance myself from them.
I am being forced to distance myself from people I don't want to distance myself from.

I need something and i don't know what it is.... I think its more ink.... or a new piercing...

Its a fucking dog. Thats what i fucking need.

wow, drunk people can't sing.
I stayed for latenight at casey's. Ended up babysitting my large drunk friend and inticing her away from a guy with pot. Its ok though. I don't mind things like that.

Its a beautiful thing.....
These mountains are starting to turn green again =)
Oh am ever so excited.

i neglected yesterday due to intoxication at my friends house. I bonged a beer for the first time. ya know, when you pop a hole in the bottom and pop the top. I got brain freeze.

i read almost a whole book yesterday...
Its a pretty good book. I recommend it.

I don't work again til thursday.... this is gonna suck balls...

On the way home tonight i listened to the radio. This really crappy song came on and i listened to it all the way through cause i was too lazy to change the channel. I kinda hoped if i listened to the words it would tell a story that might outweigh the crappy-ness of the actual song.
But it didn't.... I realized it was just a really crappy annoyingly nasally song.

I also realized... I'm really high if I'm too lazy to change the radio.. But I need those drives home by myself being really really stoned. They are fun and relaxing and just me...

Nobody around to impress with being suave and sane. I can be corny and silly and it doesn't matter =D

And i had something else to say... but I forgot what it was..